Summer comes...

There was a thunderstorm. I decided to go outside and enjoy the first one of the summer. The pavement was warm under my bare feet, and I didn't think about the dirt in the puddles. It only rained for about a minute or so, but I danced and laughed with wild abandon! It felt good. But I always forget when I am feeling this kind of joy that my heart really begins to ache. I always forget. You'd think that it would hit me the hardest when I am feeling down, but it is exactly the opposite. 

He will never be around for the small things. He will never be around for stupid photos, for take-out dinner, for walking to class, for late night walmart joyrides, or for dancing in the rain.  

I do not dwell on these things because there is nothing I can do to change them for the time being. I try not to think about it too much. There's nothing productive in being mopey. Sometimes though, when I have a still moment and there is no other place for my mind to wander, it wanders the distance.